The Waves of Change

J/C ending

Chapter Five

Chakotay made his way to Sickbay to see Seven the next morning. As he walked he pondered what his father had said to him.

He remembered his father telling him that his path to love and happiness laid with his one true love. He knew he still cared for Katheryn very deeply and there would always be a special place in his heart for her, but he also felt he loved Seven. He enjoyed her company and the time they had spent together. He had only hoped Seven was willing to explore a possible relationship with him.

The doors to Sickbay opened and allowed him access. He entered and was glad to see Seven was awake and sitting up on the bio-bed. She did not look very happy at the moment as the doctor was talking to her and explaining the surgery to her. Then he asked what she wanted.

"I'm not sure. I want to experience all the emotions and feelings I possibly can, but I am." She paused for a moment. "Afraid to do this. I still need more time to think about this."

The doctor noticed Chakotay standing near by and smiled. "Tell you what. I'll let you think about it while Chakotay visits with you."

"That will be fine." Seven replied. "But my answer will still stand. I am not ready for the surgery."

"I'll leave you two alone." The doctor said annoyedly and Chakotay only nodded as he watched the doctor leave.

"So, how are we doing this morning?" Chakotay asked Seven as he kiss her.

She pulled back from his kiss, which left Chakotay puzzled. "I'm better. Thank you, but I'm not ready for this. The Captain was right. I can not have a relationship with you."

"The Captain? When did you talk to her and why not?" Chakotay asked.

Seven shook her. "The surgery is a decision I have to make on my own. I can't have any influece. Until then, I can not have a relationship with you or anyone else."

Chakotay nodded. "Yes, it is your decision. I can't make it for you nor can anyone else. Even so, I still have something for you." He handed her a small stone. "It's a crystal. It is said to have healing properties, such as clearity of mind and thought. You can add it to your medicine bag if you like."

"I really can't accept any more gifts from you."

"Take it as a gift of friendship, if you like." Chakotay insisted.

"Thank you, I will." She smiled as she accepted the gift. She was still wearing the medicine bag around her neck. She reached for it and placed the stone inside it.

Seven thought about how wonderful Chakotay was and how everything was so wonderful when he was around. She felt like he made life beautiful in everything he did. He charished every moment of life. She loved being with him, because he made her feel so good and special, but she could not be with him. The implant prevented that and she was too scared to go through with the surgery. Therefore, she knew she had to end this before it went any farther.

"So, how soon is the good doctor going to let you out of here?"

"Depends." She replied. "If I decide I want to go through with the surgery, then it will be a few days. If I don't, then I can get out of here today. However, I'm not going through with the surgery."

Chakotay took in a deep breath. "You know, Seven, I feel very strongly for you and personally rather you have the surgery or not, I will still love you."

"But I can not love you like you would like."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong." He stated. "Right now, you can't love me like you would like to love me. You see, I'm happy with whatever decision you make, but you, on the other hand, want to feel and show me all the love you have for me. Right now you can't and that hurts you. Yes, I would like more, but if you decide to go on as you are, I will know deep down in your heart, you have a lot of love for me."

Seven looked at him adoringly. She wanted to take him in her arms and kiss him with all the passion she had for him, but she could not. She had to let him go, so he could go on with his life. That would be the best thing for him, no matter how she felt for him.

Suddenly, she felt very dizzy again. "I have to lie down."

"You want me to leave?"

"I believe that would be for the best." She said, as she laid back down on the bio-bed. She wanted the physical maladies to stop. She could not take anymore dizziness or passing out when she felt extreme emotions, but she did not want the surgery, either. "I, we have to sever our relationship, since I can not go through with this."

"If that is what you want." Chakotay replied, feeling heartbroken.

"It would be best for you and then my shutting down because of my feelings for you will end. It is for the best."

Chakotay was saddened. "I was being honest when I said I loved you and whatever you decided I will support your wishes. Still, I'm sorry you feel this way."

"As am I, but it's a chance I have to take. I can not go through with the surgery. It's too risky, but at the same time, I can not go on with being shut down everytime we have an intimate moment together."

"That is what makes life worth living."

She looked up at him puzzled. Then she asked, "What is?"

Chakotay felt she was having problems currently, but did not say a word about it. Instead he replied, "Taking risks. We both took a risk here and we are both hurting in one way or the other, but we've made choices. You have made yours and I will accept it."

"Thank you."

"I'll see you on duty when the doctor let's you come back to duty."

Then, without another word, he left and sought out the doctor. "Doctor, Seven seems to be having problems again. I thought you said she was doing better."

"She is, but she seems to have a heighten state of emotions when you visit her. This makes the implant activate again and then she has problems."

"I hope I'm not."

"No, you're not. The doctor interrupted him. "Actually, you could be of some help to her in making a decision."

"She has made her decision and she may be right." Chakotay informed him begrudgingly. He now had the doctor's full attention, but he was not going to tell the doctor exactly what he meant by her being right. "She truly does not want the surgery."

"I'm sorry to hear that." The doctor sighed. "I was really hoping this time she would have it. Guess I was wrong."

"Yes, and I could not convince her other wise." Chakotay said sadly. "I have to be getting to the bridge."

"OK, I'll let you know if she does change her mind. If not, she'll be leaving Sickbay today."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"Oh, don't thank me. I haven't done anything."

"I know, but you did take care of her and have done the best you can to help her." Chakotay replied. "I really do have to be on the Bridge now. Tell her." He paused. "Tell her I wish her the best."

"Yes, I certainly will." The doctor noticed Chakotay was in pain emotionally and knew Seven had dumped him all because of the implant. He was very sorry to see that happen, but there was nothing more he could do.

Chakotay was now on the Bridge, but the captain was hiding out in her Ready Room. She did not want to see him. She was angry and sadden. She knew she had lost Chakotay forever. She mourned the lost as though she had lost a dear friend to death.

Her chime rang. "What now? I told them I was taking some time off and didn't want to be disturbed." She groaned.

She answered the door on the second ring. "Alright, Come in!" She ordered. Then she was shocked to see who it was. "Chakotay?" She said while turning and walking towards her portal in discust.

Her heart yearned for him. Her mind screamed, "Please, take me back!" She wanted to cry, but she did not want him to know how upset she was over the turn of events of the last week.

She continues. "I thought I said I wanted to be alone, especially by you."

"You did, but I wanted to apologize." He stated. "While I've been on the Bridge these few hours, I have been thinking about a lot of things. I was wrong to say all the things I have said the past few days."

"Yes, I thought so at least." She said indignantly as she tried to hold back the tears. Then, in as strong and as firm of a voice she could mustard, she added, "So, who's in command of the Bridge?"

"Tuvok is." Chakotay informed her. "I wanted to apologize and make amends. That is, if it's not too late."

She turned to face him as she addressed him. "Why the change of heart? She dumped you? You want me back so you can rip my heart out again? Or did the spirits convince you that you were wrong?"

"That isn't fair."

Katheryn looked directly at him, as though to challenge him. "Isn't it?"

"I'll admit, I did consult with the spirits." He stated. "I have been very confused lately."

"No, she dumped you and now you're coming back, crawling on your knees begging forgiveness. Well, don't bother. Gravelling does not become you."

"Who said I was graveling?" He asked. "I just came here to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about." She turned back to her portal as though the conversation was over and she was not going to discuss it anymore.

"Alright, if that's how you feel, then I'll just go."

"No, wait!" She demanded in a panic as she turned to face him. Her heart was starting to race. She felt she could not bare loose him again. No matter how much she wanted him to feel the pain she was feeling. No matter how angry she was. Her heart felt like it had been ripped in two and she was not about to let it be ripped again. She knew, if she let him go this time, there would be no turning back and her heart would rip again.

Chakotay turned back around and stood in front of the door, waiting to hear what she had to say. He watched her face and saw tears rolling down her face. Before him, he saw the heart broken Katheryn. Not the strong Katheryn he usually saw. He wanted to comfort her and tell her how sorry he was for hurting her, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

"Chakotay, you have no idea how much you have hurt me these past few days. I don't know if I can go back to the way we were, but yet, I don't want to loose you again. Not as a friend or a lover."

"Like I said, you didn't loose me. You pushed me away. Afraid of what this crew may think. Afraid of not being able to do your duties as captain of this ship." He stepped closer to her as he continued. "These last few days, what have you done as captain? Or have you been too wrapped up in your feelings of anger and jealousy?"

She approached him with anger. "What's that suppose to mean? That I've let my feelings for you get out of control?"

"You haven't given one thought to your duties as captain without me there beside you. You've been too wrapped up in what might have been, how you felt, and what you wanted! Face it, Katheryn, all you wanted is one thing these last few days and it wasn't the ship!"

"I never said that." She denied while shaking her head. She paused. A single tear trailed down her face. Then sadly, she said softly, "I have acted like that, haven't I?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

"Oh, Chakotay." She said throwing her arms around him with tears flowing from her eyes. "I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Can you forgive me?" He asked and returned her hug.

"Chakotay." She sobbed softly. "I am so sorry I have hurt you and I'm sorry you felt I had pushed you aside, but I do love you. Can we start over again. From square one?"

"I don't know about starting over, but maybe we can start from where we are now."

She released him from the hug and nodded in agreement. "Yes, you're probably right."

"Katheryn, I spoke to the spirits last night. My father was there too. He told me I had to choose a path. One would lead to heartbreak, the other to happiness and joy. Well, I had chosen a path and my heart was hurt, but I would like to back up and go down the other path to see where it leads."

"Are you sure? This woman maybe too in love with her ship. It might be the path that leads to heartbreak."

"That maybe, but it's a chance I'd like to take. That is, if you'll go down that path with me."

Katheryn smiled and nodded. Tears were still in her eyes as she spoke. "Yes. I would like that."

"Dinner? Tonight? In my quarters?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"Afraid of what the crew may think? Come on Katheryn, I bet you haven't eaten anything for a while."

She nodded. "Actually, I was thinking we could have dinner in the mess hall for a change."

Chakotay smiled. "That would be nice."

"Yes, it would." She smiled back at him. "Shall we say, 1900 hours?"

"That will be fine. I'll pick you up then around 1800." Chakotay started to return to the Bridge.

"I think I'll come with you. I'm ready to return to the Bridge." She said as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Great!" Chakotay said. Katheryn walked over to him and was about to walk out when Chakotay stopped her. "Lovers?"

"I have thought it possible the last few days, but that was really anger and jealousy talking." She told him, trying to hide her true feelings.

Chakotay did not believe it, but instead said, "Alright, when you are ready, I'll be here."

Katheryn smiled as they left her Ready Room together and headed for the Bridge. They laughed and made light conversation as they entered the Bridge area. They both hoped that this time things would work out for them.

Chapter Six

Warning- This chapter is NC-17

Janeway and Chakotay entered the mess hall. As they were about to sit down at a table Neelix approached them.

"I see you two are having dinner together tonight." He said with his usual smile. "What can I get you tonight."

"What? No special tonight, Neelix?" Janeway asked him.

Neelix grimaced. "No, there were too many complaints last time I made something special. So, this time I thought I would let everyone choose what suits their fancy."

Janeway and Chakotay giggled. "I really don't see the humour in it." Neelix protested. "I work hard in here and all people do is either complain or have gastro-intestinal problems from my cooking. It's giving me a complex."

"Well, Neelix." Chakotay said with a grin. "Why don't we take away some of that complex and order something. We need a few minutes to think about it, though. In the meantime, the captain would like some coffee and I'll take a glass of water."

"Very well." Neelix replied. "I shall return."

"How can you be so sure I wanted coffee?"

"I know you. You always drink coffee."

"Maybe so, but how did you know I didn't want something different?"

"Did you want something different for a change?"

"No, but you never know."

Chakotay smiled and shook his head, as Neelix returned with their drinks. "Have we decided what we would like?"

"Captain?" Chakotay gestured for her to order first.

"Oh, I'm not really hungry."

Chakotay gave her a look that sternly said, "Katheryn."

"Alright, I'll have a Chef Salad."

"And you, Sir? What would you like?" Neelix asked Chakotay.

"I'll have the same."

Neelix left to get their dinner.

"Coffee good?"

"Better than what I can make." Janeway smiled at him.

"Oh, I don't know. You drink coffee so much, I bet you are a professional at making coffee by now."

"Don't count on it." She said jokingly. "It might do your stomach like some of Neelix's cooking does."

There was a long pause in the conversation as they looked at each other adoringly. It was though their spirits had briefly touched. As though the love they had for each other was starting to renew itself as they stared into each others eyes.

"Captain, Chakotay!" B'Elanah's cheerful voice broke into their brief moment of intimancy. "Nice to see you two here."

Neelix returned with their food and departed without a word.

"Yes, we were about to have dinner." Janeway said as though she were a little uncomfortable.

"Well, I for one, am glad to see you both here." Tom stated happily. "You two need to get out more."

"Yes, I agree Tom." Said B'Elanah. "They never do come out of their quarters of an evening. It is good to see them out and about."

Chakotay cleared his throat. "Yes, we thought we would have dinner together tonight. This seemed like a good place to eat."

"Really, Chakotay. You can't be serious!" B'Elanah teased. "I'm sure the captain would agree your cooking is far better."

"Maybe so. I'll have to try it sometime." Janeway chimed into the conversation.

"You haven't tried his cooking?" Tom asked with mocked surprise in his voice.

"Well." Janeway felt cornered. "We really need to eat and get back to doing reports."

"Tom, the captain is right. We really need to go and give them some privacy, so they can get back to "reports"."

"Well, then B'Elanah, lead the way." Tom gestured and she went ahead of him.

After they had left, Janeway leaned over and whispered, "They already know, don't they?"

"Katheryn, you don't really believe we have been hiding anything do you?"

She set back in here chair and smile. "No, I guess not."

"Tell you what. Why don't we finish our dinner and head back to my quarters, so we can be alone."

Janeway smiled. "That would be nice."

Before they were finished, Seven walked in with Tuvok. Harry Kim was following close behind them.

"Chakotay." Seven said with surprise. "I'm glad to see you're doing well."

"Seven." Chakotay greeted politely. "Glad to see you're out of Sickbay."

"Yes, it is nice to be out of there. The doctor was starting to get on my nerves."

"Funny. I didn't think you had any." Chakotay replied jovially as though he were trying to take a stab at her.

"That was." Seven paused. "Cold."

"You're right, Seven. I apologize. That was uncalled for."

"I fail to see the logic behind this conversation." Tuvok stated. "It would seem that there are some cold feelings between you two."

"That was good, Tuvok." Chakotay said with a smile. "But really, Tuvok, we were just making conversation."

"Humans." Tuvok said in a typical Vulcan manner. "Spock is right. They are, illogical."

"Yes, Tuvok." Harry agreed. "They can be sometimes. Now, why don't we leave the captain and Chakotay alone."

"Yes. You are right." Tuvok agreed. "That is the most logical thing I have heard from you humans all night."

They all three left Janeway and Chakotay for tables of their own. "Seems you struck a cord with Seven and Tuvok."

Chakotay sighed. "No, Katheryn. Tuvok is just being Tuvok. As for Seven, well, I think it's obvious."

Janeway smiled and looked deeply into Chakotay's eyes. "She doesn't know what she's missing."

Chakotay smiled back at her. "Shall we go?"

"By all means, Chakotay."

They entered Chakotay's quarters. Once inside, Katheryn turned to him and put her arms around his neck lovingly.

"I've missed you so much, Chakotay."

"Really?" He said as he returned her hug.

"Yes, and I hope we never go through this again."

"I hope not, either." Chakotay replied.

Katheryn started to weep. "I love you, Chakotay."

Chakotay embraced her tighter and kissed her. She looked so beautiful to him. Once he removed his lips from hers, he reached up and wiped the tears from her face with the back of his hand.

"I love you, too." Chakotay replied. "And I think the spirits are trying to tell us something."

As he wiped one last tear, Katheryn reach for his hand and kissed it. Returning the love she felt from him. Then she kissed him passionately. Probing his mouth with her tongue as the couraged built up within her.

The passion between them was strong. Katheryn hurriedly removed his shirt and lovingly appreciated his muscular chest. She caressed his chest with her hands and then she suckled one of his nipples and then the other.

Then Chakotay paused. "Is this what you want, Katheryn?"

She looked at him longingly. "Oh, yes, Chakotay."

Then he took her and caressed her breasts before he assisted her in removing her shirt. Then he caressed one breast while he kissed and suckled the other. He slowly moved down her body with kisses.

Katheryn enjoyed every moment of his attention and revelled in her feelings of love for him. She felt she loved him so much and did not want this moment to end. She wanted him. Wanted him forever and did not want to let him go ever again.

He continued his path down her body. Undressing her along the way. He felt her softness as he caressed her thigh and then kissed it lovingly. Then he did the same to the other thigh, making his way to her soft moist lips. He kissed her lovingly, then began to gently caress her place of excitement with his tongue. He continued to explore her with his tongue and their feelings of pleasure heightened.

She moaned softly, savouring every moment of his love. She wanted more of him. She wanted him to take her in his arms and connect with her. She wanted to become one with him forever.

He continued to explore her with his mouth and teased her with his finger, until finally she could take no more. "Chakotay, please take me." She begged him softly as she arched her lower body.

He made his journey back up to her mouth. Kissing her at every step of his path, only pausing to tease her breasts with his tongue and mouth.

She let out a soft whimper of desire. She wanted him so badly. She wanted their spirits to connect as one. To be unite in love, as one, with him.

She anxiously reached down and undid his pants, nearly tearing them off of him in her excitement. She had to have him. She needed to become one with him in spirit, body, and mind.

Chakotay kissed her again as their two spirits finally connected and became as one. Their love for each other became stronger as they united. The spirits within them fitted perfectly together as they embraced each other.

Finally, the joining of their spirits blended as one at the peak of their passion. They glowed with love for each other, yet were completely one with each other in spirit.

Finally, when the joining of their spirits was complete, they cradled each other in their arms. Their passion was spent, but they were still as one in spirit. United forever in the love they had for each other.

Katheryn felt happy and fulfill, for she had her Chakotay back again. She loved him and he loved her. Neither spoke a word as they enjoyed laying in each others arms. Nothing needed to be said, for their spirits had said everything that needed to be said.

Soon they fell asleep in each others arms. Both were happy and content to be with the other. Both knew their love for each other would last forever and never end.

End

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