Thankful
Rated G
“Commander!”
Chakotay turned to face the familiar voice.
“Commander, could I have a moment of your time?”
“Yes, if you don’t mind walking with me to Engineering.”
“Not at all,” Neelix replied with enthusiasm. “I wanted to talk to you about something I found in the databanks.”
“I’m listening,” he replied as they walked down the corridor.
“Well, there’s this… What’s the word?” Neelix paused as he searched for the words he wanted to say. “Feast day called Thanksgiving and I thought since ship’s stores have been restocked, having a celebration would be good for morale.”
“If history serves,” Chakotay began, “That’s the day people gave thanks for abundant crops; later it changed into a family gathering.”
“You’ve heard of it?”
“Yes.”
“I thought Starfleet could dress up as Pilgrims and the Maquis as Natives. Except you, Sir, you don’t have to dress up. You’re already Native.”
Chakotay stopped, paused for a moment, and then turned to face Neelix with a smile. “Why thank you, Neelix, but I really don’t think dressing up is necessary. A nice dinner should be more than enough.”
“Sir, the historical significance…” Neelix pressed.
“Dinner will be enough,” Chakotay repeated firmly, then continued down to Engineering.
“OK, it’s early November on Earth, Canada had their Thanksgiving in October and the U.S. will have theirs in late November.”
“You’ve done your homework,” Chakotay commented.
“Oh, yes! So this would be a good time to have our celebration. How does a week from today sound?”
“That sounds good,” Chakotay replied as they entered Engineering.
“Shall we make costumes optional?”
“No, Neelix. I think everyone will understand just from your description.”
“Alright, no costumes.” Neelix backed out of Engineering with excitement. “This will be a feast to remember! The morale of this crew will be soaring and I promise I won’t disappoint you!”
“What was that all about?” B’Elanna asked as the doors closed.
“Oh, he wants to have a Thanksgiving dinner to boost morale,” Chakotay informed her.
“Thanksgiving?”
“Yes, that’s a holiday in North America.”
“I know what it is; I’m just wondering what we have to be thankful for?”
“Well, we’re alive and closer to home,” Chakotay replied.
“Doesn’t sound like much,” B’Elanna frowned.
“Isn’t it enough?”
A week later everyone was planning on going to Neelix’s feast, except one. She was hiding in her quarters and Chakotay was going to drag her out to join the celebration, one way or the other.
“Come in,” Janeway replied when she heard the chime to her quarters.
She was looking out of her view port, as she usually did when she was unhappy.
“You coming to dinner? I hear Neelix has put on quite a spread!”
She did not turn around to greet him. She had had a feeling it was Chakotay before he even entered. She was not sure if she wanted his company now or not, but did not reject his presence.
“No,” she sighed.
“Kathryn, you really should go. It would help with ship’s morale if the captain made an appearance.”
“Chakotay,” she turned to face him. “What’s there to be thankful for? My mother and sister will be having another Thanksgiving without me, I was the one who caused us to end up in this God-forsaken place, and I’ve jeopardized the ship and crew on numerous occasions.”
“You do what you have to do.”
“No,” she replied as she raised her hand to silence him. “No, I didn’t have to engage in relations with Vladimir and his people.”
“So, is that what this is all about?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been hiding in your Ready Room and your quarters ever since then,” he mentioned. “You’re feeling guilty over something that was not your fault?”
“It’s not just that. If it weren’t for the decisions I made and the orders I gave, we wouldn’t be here now. We might still be in the Alpha Quadrant with our families.”
“We’re alive. That seems like a lot to be thankful for.”
“Yes, but I can’t take credit for that.”
“Kathryn, if you hadn’t brought the Maquis aboard Voyager, we’d all be dead now.”
She shook her head and turned back to gaze out the window.
Chakotay had not seen her this depressed since they were in the Void, as the crew had called it. He wanted to hug her and tell her it was going to be alright, but something told him not to.
“I know you miss your family, but you also have family on this ship,” he reminded her. “You yourself have said we’re a family. We need you now, to join us for dinner.”
She stood motionless as she stared sadly out the window. “How could I?”
“How could you what? Eat dinner with the crew?”
“No,” she replied weakly. “How could I have allowed myself to jeopardize all we have worked for, all for my own desires?”
“It wasn’t your fault, Kathryn. He had control over you,” Chakotay insisted.
“I should have listened to you, Chakotay,” she said woefully, as she spun back around. “I refused to listen to the one person who cares about me more than anyone else on this ship.”
“Kathryn,” he said gently as he reached out to offer her a hug. “We all care about you.”
“No,” she stated as she accepted his embrace and laid her head on his shoulder. “It’s not the same. It’s more with you.”
He could tell she was crying now, releasing all the stress she had buried for the past few months. He let her continue to talk as he held her in his arms.
“It’s just different with you,” she continued. “Yet we’re too busy with command, protocols, and boundaries. Boundaries that help us keep our relationship on a professional level. Yet we’ve isolated ourselves because of them. Or at least I have.”
Then she looked at him, tears still in her eyes, “It’s true what they say, you know. It’s very lonely at the top. What’s worse is this will be another year, another holiday, away from my family. I’m so alone, Chakotay, and I can’t get close to anyone.”
“You’re not alone, Kathryn,” Chakotay said softly.
“I feel like it,” she replied as she pushed herself away from him. “Sometimes, I wish Tuvok had obeyed my orders and the two of us were still on New Earth. I didn’t have to worry about the command structure, the crew, or the ship.”
“Yes, but you still missed the crew and your family.”
“But I wasn’t alone.”
“You’re not alone now. You never were.”
Kathryn shook her head, “No, you don’t understand.” She looked longingly into his eyes, “I can’t explain it. I don’t know how to tell you…”
She stopped suddenly before she completed her last sentence. There was a brief silence between them.
“Then have dinner with me,” Chakotay finally said, breaking the silence. “In the mess hall. Neelix has plenty of food for everyone.”
Kathryn finally smiled as she realized the invitation was his way of bridging the gap that had developed between them. “I’d like that,” she said as she wiped her tears away.
He took her hand and led her out of her quarters, “The crew will be glad to see you.”
“Captain,” B’Elanna greeted. “Glad to see you. I almost thought you weren’t coming.”
“I wouldn’t miss this,” Janeway replied with a smile.
Only Chakotay knew she was covering her true feelings.
“Captain, glad to see you!” Neelix also greeted her with excitement. “We have a bird, not a turkey, but a large bird none the less, cranberry sauce, stuffing…”
“Looks delicious, Neelix!” She interrupted. “You’ve done a wonderful job!”
She was once again the captain. All the emotions and vulnerabilities she had shown in her quarters were gone. The only person who knew her deepest thoughts was the one who was closest to her emotionally.
She walked over to the buffet table and smiled as she observed the decorations in the middle of all the food. The center piece was fall coloured leaves and waxed vegetables, much like on Earth. The gourds, corn, and yellow squash looked just as she remembered them and the real food was much like what she had had as a young girl.
Her smile grew and this time it was real. Tears of joy began to fill her eyes.
“Are you alright, Captain?” Tom asked with concern.
“I’m fine, Tom. I’m just glad we are able to have this celebration.”
“Yes, it is a nice change of pace,” he stated as he dipped up what looked like pumpkin pie.
“Are you going to stare at the food?” Chakotay asked. “Or are you going to eat any of it?”
“It all looks too good to eat,” Janeway stated with joy. “But I think I will have a plate.”
“Neelix outdid himself,” Harry insisted as he got himself seconds. “I wonder what he is going to do for Christmas.”
“I fail to see what the significance of this celebration is,” Tuvok said flatly. “However, I am enjoying the food and seeing the crew in a good mood. It’s a nice change.”
“Was that an emotion, Tuvok?” Tom gibed.
“Mister Paris, it is not necessary to insult me.”
“I didn’t think Vulcans got insulted,” Tom continued to taunt him.
“I believe I will have more of what you call pumpkin pie,” Tuvok stated as he ignored Tom’s last comment.
Everyone returned to their seats and in his usual spirited way, Neelix suggested, “Why don’t we all state one thing we are thankful for?”
B’Elanna groaned as Seven grumbled about human holidays.
“I don’t think it’s a bad idea,” Chakotay stated in support of Neelix.
“Why don’t you start, Commander?” Neelix suggested.
“OK,” he replied, seeming to be a bit uncomfortable. “I’m thankful we are all here to have this celebration.”
“Tom?” Neelix nudged.
“Oh, I don’t know. The food?”
There were a few chuckles after Tom’s statement and then they continued around the table. B’Elanna and Seven were the only ones to protest, but everyone eventually nudged something out of them.
It was now the captain’s turn. She looked around the table and smiled at her crew before giving her response. She realized Chakotay was right. She was not alone, but instead, she had a whole crew that was just as much family to her as her real family.
Finally, with feelings of warmth, joy, and a renewed spirit, she said two words, “For family.”
© November 2004 Mriana
