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Is It Too Late?
A Chakotay POV
Rated G
I’ve had Carole King’s “It’s Too Late” song stuck in my head for days now. Why? I don’t know, but what became of it being stuck in my head for days is a Chakotay POV. Rated G. Words to King's song are at the end of the POVs. I've added Kathryn's and Seven's POVs and made this a short series of POVs. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: All that is Trek is Paramount. Paramount is the supreme being of Trek and I give them their due. I profit nothing from this, because the royalty is Paramount.
Is It Too Late?
I lie here thinking about what might have been. I feel like a fool. Seska was wrong and so is Seven. There is no way Seven and I could ever be a couple. She’s too young and naive. Why I ever got involved romantically with her, I have no idea.
The one I really want is Kathryn, but I’ve blown it now. I don’t think there is any chance in the universe I can have a relationship with her now, but I love her more than I have ever loved anyone else. Even the Spirits say that she is my soul mate.
The Spirits have said that I will only be happy when I am with my true soul mate. In my vision, I saw a wolf and a lizard. I know it can only mean one thing, but it’s too late. Kathryn and I really did try to succeed on New Earth, but when we returned to Voyager, we changed or maybe we just stopped trying.
I feel like something has died inside and I can’t hide, nor can I pretend that I am in love with Seven. I’m not happy without Kathryn in my life. I’m glad for what Seven and I had, but it’s just not the same.
Kathryn is full of life and energy, while Seven is just Seven. Flat and unemotional at times, yet at other times, she can be so self-righteous. Not that Kathryn can’t be stubborn at times, just as Seven is, but I have never known her to be conceited. Kathryn would give her life for almost anyone just to save them. I love that about Kathryn as well as her other traits.
I can be myself around Kathryn. I’ve never had to explain anything; she knows me inside and out without question. Everything is automatic between Kathryn and me. We seem to be able to work together so easily, as if we were meant to be. Like a hand and glove, we fit so well as a team. I know, in my heart, that we could fit just as well as a couple.
I’ve made so many mistakes and if I could be with Kathryn, it would be the one right thing I have done in my life. I want to believe there is still time for us to develop and nurture a relationship, but I’m afraid I’ve ruined our chances.
Can she ever forgive me for having a relationship with Seven? Seven of all people! She’s a woman who doesn’t know a thing about life or human relationships. Did I ever really love her? I know I care about her, but do I truly love her? If I do, I don’t love her as I do Kathryn.
Seven and I can’t stay together, but how do I let her down easy? Or does she also feel we need to end this before it goes any farther? I can only hope.
How do I get Kathryn to realize we should be together? She may already realize it, because she has looked so unhappy lately. Has she changed her mind about us? Does she want to be a couple? Is she disappointed because I discouraged a relationship between us a long time ago? After New Earth, you’d think she would have realized that maybe it was time to re-evaluate the parameters of our relationship. How do I ask her about re-evaluating those parameters? Would she even agree to it, or is it too late now?
If Lovin’ You Is Wrong
He is a good man and mentally he is mine, but his heart belongs to another, the captain. I have damaged her emotionally and now she seems to have some sort of grudge against me. I would dare say it is almost a vendetta.
Is it wrong of me to be in love with a man who belongs to another? What is love anyway? Do I really love him or is it just infatuation? Does he really love me or am I being foolish? Does he question our relationship too?
Is this relationship wrong? Were we meant to be no more than friends? What is friendship exactly?
I have never had such questions before, but now that I am no longer Borg, I struggle with social etiquette. What is this human thing called love? What is friendship with the opposite sex, anyway?
If loving him is wrong, what is right? Do I care that I am harming another?
He seems distant lately. Is his mind on her? What is he thinking? Have I damaged him also?
I receive unusual looks from the crew. What do they mean? Have I also damaged others emotionally by being with Chakotay?
I only wish I could understand Human emotions and body language. These things were irrelevant to the Borg. Emotions were irrelevant to the Borg. Love was irrelevant. All that was Human was irrelevant. What is relevant when it comes to Human relationships?
Chakotay and I have nothing in common. We never really talk or share what is important to Humans. Yet he has taught me many things about myself, like how to listen to my feelings, as well as about sex.
Sex seems irrelevant though. It means nothing. I have no feelings about it and I just go through the motions that he has taught me. So what is the purpose of sex?
Chakotay says when two people love each other, it can be a beautiful and wonderful thing, but I see nothing that pertains to that with us. So there is only one logical answer to this predicament. This relationship must end.
If I Can’t Have You
Rated G
Captain’s Personal Log
Star date: 55008.4
Why can’t I tell him how I feel? I want to, but I can’t. He has every right to see other people, because we have never made any commitment to one another. Yet I can’t help but feel anger and jealousy when I see them together.
How do I tell him that I love him and that he completes me? He has captured my heart and soul and apparently my mind, too. He’s all I think about anymore, especially now that he is with Seven.
I don’t want anyone else but Chakotay, and I think my world would end if I lost him for good. Have I lost him for good?
My heart feels like it has had the life squeezed out of it. My stomach sinks whenever I think about Seven lying beside him at night. I want to be the one beside him night and day. That’s the way it has always been since we first met, at least during the day. He’s always been by my side until now.
Why am I wallowing in self-pity? I’m the captain. I have to be strong. I can’t allow myself to fall to pieces just because Chakotay is with someone else, but it’s tearing my heart apart.
I don’t want anyone else. Chakotay is my right arm and I need him, not just on the Bridge, but also as a friend and confidant. I also want more from him, but I’m afraid to ask, afraid to talk to him about a relationship.
He has consumed my mind and soul. All I think about is Chakotay, day and night; yet I pushed him away and now he’s with someone else. I feel as though I am slowly dying from the inside out, as though a part of my soul will die if I can’t have him in my life, for the rest of my life. He’s always been there for me, until now.
He’s a part of me. I draw strength from him every day of my life, especially during difficult times. That strength would be gone if I could not have him in my life anymore.
So why am I sitting here moaning about him being with another? Why don’t I just go and get him as I do everything else? What has happened to my determination?
It hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s still here and I’m going to get my man, one way or another. Seven be damned!
It’s Too Late
By Carole King
Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time
There's something wrong here
There can be no denying
One of us is changing
Or maybe we've just stopped trying
And it's too late baby
Now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died
And I can't hide
And I just can't fake it
Wo no no no...
It used to be so easy living here with you
You were light and breezy
And I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy
And I feel like a fool
But it's too late baby
Now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died
And I can't hide
And I just can't fake it
There'll be a time just for me and you
But we just can't stay together
Don't you feel it too
Still I'm glad for what we had
And how I once loved you
And it's too late baby
Now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died
And I can't hide
And I just can't fake it
Too late, baby, it's too late
Darling, it's too late